Re: Your Marriage Can Work, If You Make It Happen

There is so much about woman empowerment and equality before the law. I am a believer in these, but I do not think that a "modern marriage" is one where the woman goes into power struggle, or shows no respect at all for her husband, or where the woman talks to her husband like a no body. Whether we like it or not, In Africa, the man is still the head of his family and he deserves that respect. I am a believer in *any marriage can work if you make it happen.

After reading her story, It felt like the Sophia here has done what we should be doing to let the single ladies know that marriage is a Union that requires hard work. There are no two marriages that are the same. There is so much talk about divorce these days. Many singles have become scared of commitments. Some go into marriage with BIG expectations, and when it is not what they envisaged, they rush out almost immediately.

I have been married for over twelve years and the truth is my marriage is more peaceful now than when we got married initially. I remember times I practically
packed
my things and was ready to leave. I remember times I asked myself and my husband the juju he used to make me accept to marry him. When I flashback, I just smile. During those early years of marriage, if any one told me that I would remain married for up to ten years, I would have called that person a false prophet. Right now, I am grateful to God that I did not end it. Not that it is a perfect marriage, NO. There are still challenges, and will always be. The only difference is that my approach has changed over the years and that change has made a huge difference.

I look back now and laugh at the major cause of quarrels and misunderstandings then. In my naivety, I saw my husband as the cause of our misunderstandings. You know what? He wasn't, my BAD MOUTH and SHORT TEMPERED NATURE was the problem. Sophia's marriage may not be like mine or yours, but there are still lessons to learn. Please continue to read.

My name is sophia and I have been married for the past 9 yrs,I'm blessed with 3 kids( 2boys and a girl) and I have the most amazing hubby.. I'm trying to correct the notion that all marriages are wacky and all because that's not true.. It wouldn't be nice if some single girls out there don't get to know that marriages can work if u make it happen.

I got married 9yrs ago to my hubby,we dated for a year and got married.. My friends were like it was too soon since we barely know our selves,I was staying in abuja while him in lagos,I just come occasionally to visit him,so after a year,we figured it was time to move to the next level which was very amazing.. We got married and I started living the life of a married woman.. We loved each other so much but their were things we did not know about each other since it was long distance hence posed a problem for us.. I had very bad mouth as of that time.. I do like to challenge everyone including him which he didn't like.. We argued a lot which ends up with several beatings..

The first time my hubby hit me,I ran to my aunt's place and later went back home,it happened again and again,but the whole thing was after the beatings,he comes back to say sorry and to tell me how the things I said to him really did hurt and how he's hot tempered and I'm hot tempered and all... After a year,I told my self I had to work on my self,I stopped talking too much,prayed more often and asked God to help me with my temper,I stopped challenging him and always make him feel more than superior to me,like magic,the whole fighting stopped.

I took in and gave birth to our twin boys the second year. I was so engrossed with taking care of the babies that I forgot to give my hubby the attention he deserved... When my babies were 5 month old,I went through my hubby's fone for the first time and I found out he was cheating on me.. The girl in question was supposed to be a family friend but she started sleeping with my husband.. I went thru the whole bbm chat and saw the way the girl started flirting with my hubby and how he tried to resist and how he finally fell for her tricks,I was mad,I was raged but at the same time I was determined to be calmed about the whole thing.. I didn't mention it to him when he came to pick up his fone cos I would have insulted him and said so many hurtful things to him,so I pretended like I saw nothing.. The next day, I started jogging with some neighbours,after 2weeks I got a treadmill and started using at home.. I was still running in the morning and using the treadmill at night.. After 3 months,I lost the whole baby fat coming back to 60kg which was my initial weight.. I didn't give up,I kept trying to look fit and everything..

One night,my hubby came to me saying we needed to talk,I was like hope there is no problem? He said there is! And I was like lemme hear it. He then opened up to me about his affairs with that girl.. Told me everything that happened,even went ahead to show me the whole chat and how he ended it with the girl and how she's still calling back and begging for more. Ofcourse she was gonna beg for more,my hubby is well endowed and gifted(LoL). He was crying and apologising but I told him he shouldn't worry,that it was all my fault,I forgot about him and he saw attention some where else.. We made up and after 2 days,he got me a car out of guilt but I told him to stop worrying but I still liked the fact that he got me the car,it was my dream car.

We started enjoying our lives the way it was before,going to the movies,club,hanging out,I gave him all my attention. Even after I gave birth to my baby girl 3yrs later,he didn't cheat on me bcos I made sure I didn't stop been a mother,a wife,lover and friend. As usual,I started exercising again and went back to my body 4months after my baby was born. We were so blessed,work was going fine,home was fine.

Now when I say "Home was fine" it didn't mean we were not quarreling,we were but I just made sure if I was gonna quarrel about anything,it was gonna be something worth it and I tried as much as possible not to be harsh or rude.. There was a time we quarrelled and couldn't reconcile immediately like usual and I went out to tell a male friend of mine not knowing that was the last thing I should be doing. The guy was advising me and I felt he was nice. One day,the same talk came up between me and my hubby,when we couldn't reconcile,I drove of to that guy's house.. He consoled me and started kissing me.. I was kissing him back and it suddenly dawned on me,he's not my husband,I couldn't do that to my hubby,I pushed him off and drove back home. Told my hubby he won and told him how I kissed someone else and he told me he understands,so we'd drop the case even if I was right,deleted the guy as a friend and worked on my marriage.. Since then,we don't stay mad at each other more than 10mins.. My friends come to the house and they are like,I envy ur marriage,that we still act as newly weds and all,but what they don't know is its not easy getting ur family 2geda. Its so hard been a friend,lover,best friend,mistress,mother,wife,sister all in one.. I'm from a broken home so I know what I and my sister went thru and I didn't want that for my kids.. So I had to fight to make my home work. I got married when I was 18 and right now 27,but when u see me I look 24,people never believe I'm 27 or a mother cos I made sure I kept my self looking good.. My hubby doesn't like the whole idea of wrapper or anything so I don't have one except for meetings. I dress in my bum shorts,mini skirts,short dresses,anything to keep me looking good

So at this point I'm going to say,ladies:

1. Marriage is not easy

2. Don't go into marriage expecting so much

3. Don't think ur marriage would not have problems,they will always have,what makes u a woman is the ability to handle it

4. Make ur partner ur friend, best friend,lover,wife,mistress,mother,sister,with that,he can open up to u all the time

5. Never loose urself because u are married,he loved what he saw that's why he married u,try not to go away from that

6. Never share ur problems with anyone,u would get the wrong advice from people,handle ur problems within

7. Do not argue with ur hubby,let him win if u see its gonna pose as a problem

8. For those with sharp mouth,trim it,that's the one thing men hate,I took me time to learn,so please and please,never challenge ur hubby,cos it would make him feel he's not in control and men like feeling they are in control even when actually,its the women who are in control

9. Talk to him all the time,appreciate anything he does and encourage him

10. Don't forget to make God ur number one.. Don't joke with prayers,it never fails